Another lesson? Really?!

As I sit here watching time go by, at home on 'no activity' restrictions from the doctor I pray for further understanding and enlightenment on life in general and the things we endure. I spend time watching TV, reading, surfing the net, walking the horses & dogs, feeding & watering animals, sleeping, attending appointments and all the while I find myself anxiously awaiting word of the next and hopefully final surgery. This journey of having a broken neck, having surgeries, therapies and essentially after 10 months needing one more surgery has left me feeling confused and discouraged. Why would my first fusion not fuse? Why would this drag out for 10 months, and I am not even done yet? In my heart I know we are almost done. One more surgery, some rods and clamps then on to recovery!

I have gotten blessings before each procedure and I know that this particular path is meant to teach a lesson. But what could that be? What can a broken neck possibly teach me that I could not learn any other way? I am having horseback riding withdrawals! I need to work! I want to be able to carry my end of this marriage partnership! We have goat kids due in two months and I need to prepare! Gunner needs work so I can start him this summer!

I received a blessing a few weeks ago that shed some light on the 'Why' of this journey. The take away message: there is a lesson to learn from all of this and through study and prayer, I will learn that lesson. May I just say 'duh', OK, got that out of my system... Hmmm, a lesson. I was given a few hints on where to start my studies, but still, hmmm. Did I not already know that there was a lesson in this experience?! Why could Heavenly Father not just tell me what the lesson is? Or provide a few more easy to understand hints along the way? I would like to request a maze leading me to the lesson - much like the ones found on the back of the kid's menu at Denny's.

Well, I am always up for a challenge! Hidden lesson and meaning to this experience? Okie-dokie. Study and pray to find the answer? No problemo. When I figure it all out, if it is appropriate, I will share it with you. In the mean time, I would like to leave you with a few of my favorite websites:
Tasty Kitchen
Pioneer Woman
Food Storage
The Doctors
Cheese Making
Mexican Made Easy
Paula Deen

Glancing back & Looking forward

Another year has come and gone. As we look back on 2010 we remember it fondly and anxious wait to see what the new year brings. We have loved, watched our Gunner (Monkey) grow, were broken and got back up, made a lot of money on goats and invested in more! We gained family and lost family; gained a brother and sister, lost our second set of twins. We were approved to adopt. 2010 was a big year with a lot of adventures; as we are sad to see it end, we are excited to see what is coming our way!

We had a friend ask if we were making any resolutions. Simple answer: nope! The next question was 'why not'. We have plans and we already know where we need to go and in general, how we will get there. We know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, we know in general what the plan is and the path to get there. We know the path but we don't know every step and we are still surprised at how things work out. Will 2011 reunite us with our family (child and his/her Birth family)? Only Heavenly Father knows and we will continue to follow his gentler promptings.

Another friend asked if we are trying to be the perfect couple, put on a 'good face', if our blog is really who we are. Yep, this is us - in all of our imperfect and goofy glory. She then asked if our blog was an adoption blog: nope! Our blog started one day when I wrote the same email (with minor changes) and sent it to 5 different family members. I decided that it was ridiculous and we wanted a place where we could share what we want and keep private other things. She asked why our blog is public. When we started we didn't know how to make it private and I wasn't sure our Moms and my Uncle Ed would know how to log in! Besides we now have lots followers from other countries and we get a lot of emails from people that we would never correspond with if our blog was private. 'Do all of our friends follow our blog?' Nope, only a few friends know we have a blog. Like I said, we are fairly private and while we love our friends, we are selective with whom and what we share. 'But you just said your blog was public.' Yes, but how many people that read our blog actually know us in person? About 6!

What do we have planned for 2011.
First: C will undergo her final surgery to fix her neck; this will hopefully happen in the next 4 weeks.
Second: we will travel to California so R can baptize his little sister.
Third: we will do some serious riding this summer and will start Gunner.
Fourth: who knows; we haven't thought that far ahead!

Our wish for you:
"May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires.
May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had, forget your home address!
In simple words ............
May 2011 be the best year of your life!!!"

I believe...

The following message was shared through a Relief Society letter and I was touched and thought I would share.

"The Christmas hymn, “Angels We Have Heard On High”, is a favorite at this time of year as reminders come to mind of that extraordinary night when heavenly visitors were both seen and heard by an assembly of simple shepherds. One can’t help but wonder what it might have been like to be among those humble men who witnessed the sights and sounds of such an incredible event. Surely, in that time of need, hearts were lifted, lives were blessed and troubles were comforted.


Christmas always brings extra angels to the earth, I believe.. each and every year. Perhaps they aren’t seen descending from heaven.. nor heard singing from on high.. but if we watch and listen carefully enough we can see and hear them. They walk among us as family and friends… and sometimes as strangers, ….whose hearts are more focused in the season of giving and peace, comfort and joy.

One recent example was shared by young woman last week. For the fourth time in seven years a private airplane crash-landed in their neighborhood. Miraculously, no lives were lost, but the homes of several families were destroyed. In minutes church phone trees sprang put into action quickly assembling local wards to gather and assist. As one of those responding that night, this young woman witnessed earthly angels working the miracles of comfort and peace among the frightened and homeless.

It is not emergencies alone that cause angels to be audible and visible. The miracle of the season is often seen in the generous and thoughtful actions of those who pause to consider more seriously the needs of others. In the most obvious ways it is manifested by those who donate gifts of clothing, food, money and time to those without homes, jobs, health and/or family. By no lesser means it is witnessed in acts of consideration, love and kindness as more and more of us reach out to make life easier and joyful for one another.

Often it is simply and sweetly experienced in the gratitude of our hearts.
Again, my example comes from a recent family event, proving that angels and their blessings come in all shapes and sizes. Having miraculously experienced a peaceful shopping trip with their two young children, a young couple had just buckled the children into their car seats and were headed home. Quietly the young wife and mother whispered a soft , “Thank you, Lord,” as their car pulled into traffic. There was a moment’s pause. Then, jubilantly from the seat behind her came an angelic voice: …”Your welcome, Mom!”
In whatever your holiday may hold…may the miracle of angels be in you and around you as Christmas approaches.. May you see them and hear them, may you speak and act with them… so others may see and hear as well.".

The 7-ups

We met with our new Ward today and it was awesome! They are so very nice and welcoming. Of course they read our records and got our names wrong, but who cares?! Heavenly Father knows who we are. We are the furthest north in our Ward - at least they (our home teachers and visiting teachers) will have an adventure every month when they come to visit us! I don't think they have any idea what they are in for - it makes me laugh.

The 7-ups; a way to remind ourselves to live well, be worthy and love & serve the Lord.

1. Wake up - choose to greet each day with enthusiasm and decide to have a good day
2. Dress up - dress appropriately as a child of God and dress for success
3. Shut up - be quiet and listen to the soft promptings of the Lord
4. Stand up - stand up for your beliefs and the virtues that you have been taught
5. Look up - look to the Prophets and the Lord for direction in all aspects of your life
6. Reach up - reach for something higher; you are destined to be more than you currently are
7. Lift up - lift up your voice to the Lord through prayer

An invitation from our Stake President that is a great idea for all members:
"Dear Brothers, Sisters and Youth (ages 8 to 105 years old),
I invite you to read and ponder from cover to cover, every word given in the October 2010 Ensign before Christmas, December 25, 2010. As you do, you will feel the Spirit of the Lord more in your lives, and your love for His Temples here on earth will grow. You will strive harder to keep yourself worthy to go to the Temple. Those of you old enough to hold a temple recommend will strive to obtain a recommend and go more regularly and worthily to the Temple of the Lord. I give you my blessing that if you are obedient in this invitation, to read and ponder every word of the October Ensign, you will be blessed and will draw closer to your Savior and feel His tender mercies in your life. You will point your life towards His Temple, which is towards Him whose house it is."

Wedding and Ward changes

We went to the wedding of one of dear friend's this weekend; JP Chavez and Monica Edwin. We are so happy for JP and Monica, they have waited so long!

The wedding was beautiful and had an autumn theme throughout and was quite spectacular with live music and singing through the ceremony. They had a pianist, harpist, guitarist, flutist and two singers. The bridesmaid dresses were light brown, which when I heard about it I thought it would be less than nice to say the least. I pictured paper bags and burlap sacks - silly I know, but I really had nothing to go on. The dresses were light gauze with satin slips - very classy! You can see one of the dresses on the far left of the photo. The brides dress was very pretty and strapless. She didn't have a long train or veil but her brilliant red hair was curled and done up with bling clips.





It has been some time since we attended a wedding and this one was so special. JP and Monica are devout Christians, although not LDS, and through their belief in Christ, they saved themselves for marriage. An unusual thing in these days and even more so since they are both in their 30s. The ceremony was prayerful and devoted to the Lord. We feel honored to have been part. It is with bitter sweet feelings that I recount the wedding ceremony. It was very obvious to me, having been sealed for eternity, when the preacher said 'til death do you part or Christ returns.' I have never heard the Christ returns part before but it was said several times during the ceremony. They are so in love and have such faith that it makes me cry to think that they are not sealed for eternity. I am so sad for them. I wish they could have all of the blessings that the Gospel can offer. SO... We have decided that as soon as they return from their honeymoon we will invite them to church with us.

You can see the love in their faces! They are such a wonderful couple and we are honored to know them. Their faith in Christ has carried to the to their wedding day and will carry them through many years to come. We wish them the best for a long and happy future.

Speaking of church...
They diced up our Ward like a pie last night. We and 5 other families are now members of the Windsor Ward, which if you look at a map of the Stake and Ward boundaries, it does not make sense. Our dear neighbors and newly baptized members, the Carters, are struggling with the change. Sandee hasn't stopped crying for two days. I shared some of the following with her in an effort to comfort her.

I was shocked at first because we loved our Ward, the people, my calling was perfect and we had great activities that made us not feel out of place because we live in the boondocks. We all know that once we start to feel comfortable, the Lord gives us changes and challenges to stretch us. I guess I should have acted a bit more uncomfortable!

We met the Stake President when we renewed our recommends this past February and we found him to be a wonderful and caring man. I have a sense of comfort that Windsor Ward (our new Ward) will be very well organized since it is his home ward! Since Windsor was not cut, I anticipate it will take them a bit to find us callings and get used to having members in the boondocks! We will find our place, all will be well.
After speaking to one of the brethren it was made clear to me through his words and prayer that we are a very important part of the Windsor Ward. You see, they have property to build a new church in Windsor but do not have the membership to support it. They added us to help their Ward grow to the north so that we may be able to build a new building for the Lord. We have been chosen!
I have been praying since last night and I feel strongly that this move is mean to make us stronger in some way. This is an opportunity to learn and grow. There is a lesson waiting for us in Windsor Ward, a lesson that will help us to grow in faith, strengthen our testimonies, become more self-sufficient and to allow us to participate in a great work for the Lord. I miss so dearly my friends, seeing them every Sunday and visiting each month but the Lord knows that we need someone in Windsor Ward and someone in Windsor Ward is needing us. it is our jobs to be faithful and of good cheer so that we can recognize it when the Spirit prompts us.

The best part, the part that puts my heart at ease is this - the time may change, the people may change but the Gospel is always the same no matter the building, time, people or Ward; the Gospel is always the same. We will find our home in the Windsor Ward.

“Refuse to fall down. If you cannot refuse to fall down, refuse to stay down, lift your heart toward heaven like a hungry beggar, ask that it be filled and it will be filled. You may be pushed down. You may be kept from rising. But no one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven-only you. It is in the middle of misery that so much becomes clear. The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening.”
~Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The power of prayer

Our faith has been building and growing by leaps and bounds over the last 2 years. We had two experiences this past week that I wanted to share with you as a testimony of the power of prayer.

*****
First happened on Thursday. We noticed that we were down to about 50 bales of hay and that we needed to buy more. With hay ranging from $4 - $8, we need to be careful to get good hay at a low price. The last hay we got for $5, while it looked nice, had little nutritional value. Max and Gunner both lost a significant amount of weight over a 1 week period. Both have ribs showing and we have been trying to get weight back on them for 4 weeks. Side note - it is easy for horses to lose weight and very hard to get it back on them.

R and I were discussing our meager money situation in the kitchen and found that we had only $100 extra for hay. At $4 a bale (I found some nice stuff!) we still needed $180 more and another $20 for goat hay. Basically we had $100 and needed $200 more. Not having an abundance of extra cash laying around, we said a prayer. Just a quick, to the point prayer. We need money to buy hay and we don't have it. We have done everything you have asked and are faithful in our callings, tithing and prayers. Please send us help.

I kid you not. 20 minutes later a guy from the railroad pulled down our driveway and offered us $300 cash for an old army trailer we had sitting our by the wood pile. The trailer had not been used in 2 years. Sold! We have horse hay money! We got hay on Saturday.

*****

Our horse trailer is huge. It is a 4 horse slant load goose neck with living quarters in the front and a tack room in the back. It is a steel monster and I love it!

About a year ago I had to take Max to the vet for his arthritis shot. C, you ask, why don't you do the shot. It is an IV shot, which I can do, have done BUT if you miss, you hit the artery and kill the horse in 30 seconds. For some reason, on something that important and routine (not an emergency) I would rather pay $15 to have the vet do it!

Anyhow - I took him down and turned a sharp corner ripping the light plug out of the trailer. I drove home with no lights. R fixed the plug and over the next 3 months, the lights would flicker and sometimes work - sometimes not. About 8 moths ago, the lights quit working all together. We went around and around on whether it was the truck or the trailer, we rewired both (R is NOT an electrician - things usually catch fire when he wires them). Luckily my truck and trailer did not catch fire but I have blown a lot of fuses over the past 9 months!

We have spent countless hours in wind and rain and snow trying to find the problem and fix it. Finally I called a trailer repair place and was told minimum of $500 and up to $1,200 to find and fix the problem. Great, more money - I really hate money.

We invited Janice out to the house on Saturday night for a bonfire and trail ride after church on Sunday. R pulled the trailer over to the house and I ran for cover! If he couldn't find the problem, I would follow him in my truck and act as his lights. If you have never done this for your husband, you are missing out - it really is a marriage strengthener, either you get closer together and work as a team of you kill each other.

R started working on the wiring and I started washing brushes and tack boxes. 10 minutes later, the trailer is fixed. What happened?! R said a short quick to the point prayer. Help me fix this trailer and keep the weather nice while I do it.

Trailer done!! So I of course poke R in the ribs and say 'What?! You couldn't say a prayer 8 months ago?!'

*****

Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God

In "Motherhood: An Eternal Partnership with God" Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shares an encouraging tribute to mothers who, through both challenges and accomplishments, work in partnership with God to raise His children.

Down the gauntlet of grief and pain

All of our most personal feelings are related in our journal as they are much to tender to be shared in such a public place. We are careful to share just a glimpse of our lives and nothing too personal so this post was almost not crated. I am not sure why I feel impressed to share, but I do. Until I feel differently, this post will remain.
We are passing through three expected due dates over the next week. Our lost babies from 1997 (girl), 2004 (boy) and our dear sweet twins.

We have been so busy with surgery, recovery, life and adoption that it feels as though this week snuck up on me. I knew it was on the way - I always know, it is carved into my heart. Yet, I am not prepared to say goodbye to my babies again – I need more time to prepare myself, to postpone. I do not want to pass our due date tomorrow with empty arms. I want my babies here with me, particularly when it seems as though everywhere I turn families are being made, carried, born and brought home.

There are so many websites, blogs, books and resources out there for one to 'recover' from grief. I suppose it is the word 'recover' that I take offense to. To recover implies that I am broken, ill, in need of fixing. I suppose that may be true in some sense; but it seems to be my reality that a part of me is broken but will never be fixed. These pieces need to be gently held, acknowledged and incorporated into who I am. I will never be the same person that I was before we lost our first two children. I will never be the same person I was before November 17th at 9:15 when we discovered the loss of our twins. I can only hope that the grief I carry, the grief that is mine alone to bare will allow me, in some way, some shape to become a stronger more faithful child of God. To cling to His promised atonement, love and principles of eternal families. That this grief will work into my being to allow me to become the person that I must be, the person He wants and needs me to be.

I have been keenly aware of Heavenly Father over the last few days. I can feel His gentle love surrounding my heart, padding my soul. There are some pains that are too hard to bear alone; saying goodbye to my children is one of them. He knows these things and He knows that it is by His will that we endure and arrive enlivened and stronger in spirit and faith than before.
Through my grief, I took special care today to spend some time outside. I viewed this world, our land, and our many blessings and tried to do so with an open mind to inspiration and love. I cannot express the comfort I receive from being outside. Nature, our home in particular has been a great source of comfort to me over the past 9 months. This is my refuge, my place of renewal.

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" ~Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

Though my heart breaks anew, I am promised that I will be able to hold and love my children someday. Heavenly Father is divine and knows my every need, my every care, and my every thought. He knows that this simple promise will be the one thing that can carry me thought this gauntlet of grief.
For those who are rejoicing, our hearts smile with you, we are so happy for you and your new families. For those who grieve, we know your deepest pain, we hear your heart and we send our love, our faith and our prayers that we will all find peace and comfort during the dark days, that the light will return and that we will meet on the other side to embrace it.

The road we travel

I have been home since Sunday night and the reality of the surgery didn't start to hit me until today. My neck and back pain is gone and has been replaced by a plate and 2 screws! My pain has also been temporarily replaced by foggy drug brain and choking but the pain is less, no more tingling fingers.

Overall, surgery went well and I am glad to be home. I was released 2 days later than originally anticipated and had some unforeseen complications. When the doctor came in on Sunday and told me they were going to keep me until Monday, I revolted! No way! I am done, I am leaving, just tell me what I need to do and I will do it... After a hard push on Sunday and a battery of tests, some pleading and begging on my part, I was released late in the day and able to come sleep in my own house with my animals and the smell of fresh healing country air. I am happy to be home and be back to living my life on my schedule and according to my timeline. It was hard to be gone from home for 2 extra days, extra unplanned days! My Family came to bat with the chores and endless things that needed to be done while I was out.

I started taking over some of my chores today, mainly the milking. I hadn't realized how much I enjoy the time outside, doing things around the house and for the animals. I also didn't realize how many chores there are! We are taking it slowly but are making it work. I am getting up a bit more each day, but like I said, taking it slowly. I have a new pain in the back of my neck, not sure what it is related to but trying not to aggravate it. I figure it must be part of the healing process. I'll take it easier tomorrow and maybe, just maybe I can talk the man into treating me to a short drive to town.

My time in the hospital gave me ample time to reflect on the many blessings I have. On the many ways Heavenly Father has prepared me to be in here, in this position at this time. The way that all of our small travels have gotten us down this road to recovery; not only physical but spiritual and emotional as well. We have come to know in our heart of hearts that we are blessed, blessed to be together and blessed to be living where and how we do. I am over taken by tears when I think of each individual trial, all of our losses and successes that have brought us here. We are on the correct path and only need to follow the road to the end. Endure, that is the final part of the puzzle. Who knew one word could hold so much power...

*****
Adoption:
We had our home visit today. Kelly, our case worker, came by to take a look around the place and chat with us a bit. I had not realized how stressed out I was about having someone come into my home and judge me. I know he isn't 'judging' me per-se and he has done tons of these visits but I wonder what specifically catches his eye and what specifically does he take note of. I wonder what crossed his mind when he realized that he was in the middle of nowhere but not far from town. I know without a doubt that Kelly is called of God to be a Case Worker and that he has been blessed with powers of observation to help make Heavenly Father's families reunite.

I wonder; does he have a sense of the match that will be made? Does he know in some part of his being what type of Birth Family will be attracted to each couple? I wonder how much his job weighs on his mind and how he copes with the excitement and release on a regular basis. We are blessed to be working with Kelly and are grateful for his expertise.

It is funny, we didn't frantically clean or put things away. After just coming home from the hospital the place was a bit rough around the edges compared to how it might normally be, but this is reality! I am glad Kelly was able to look past the cluttered counters and hopefully see the Family we are trying to build. We feel blessed to have met and be working with Kelly. He is an inspiring spirit and a fountain of wisdom. We are humbled that he even considers us worthy to take part in an adoption.

It seems as though we are surrounded by people who just delivered, are pregnant, have just received their placement or will be adopting in the next 2 months. I am thrilled for all of them and wish them the best. It is truly exciting to see so many families being started and completed through this miracle of adoption and at the hand of Heavenly Father and Kelly. We will continue to have faith that Heavenly Father will bless us with our child at the right time and when we are sufficiently prepared. I have faith - I must have faith, for without faith, there can be no hope.

*****
Website:
We have gotten some questions about our website that I thought I would share. Our website is coming along, although not quite on the timeline we expected. Somehow that doesn't surprise me or bother me. It seems as though nothing in our lives travel the anticipated time lines we have set.

Our website will encompass many areas, only one of which is adoption. We already have our blog and very soon will have our profile posted on the LDSFS website. We want Birth Mothers to know as much about us as possible and what a better way then a few pages on a website?! Yes, our profile will be up on LDSFS but we are limited in how much we can share and it can be overwhelming to view so many profiles and blogs while contemplating adoption.

We talk about adoption in our blog but our blog is mainly to share the goings on in our daily lives with friends and family who live far away and want to know about our latest adventure - it also saves me a ton of time in email! The Adoption portion of the website will only be geared towards sharing about us, our lives and families as a Birth Mother would like to know. Don't get me wrong, I want to get our names and information out there so our Mother will be able to find us but we are also private people and like to keep things of our lives private. I cannot imagine handing out business cards and putting magnets on my truck advertising our adoption intent. Dearest Birth Mother, where ever you are, I hope and pray that we will meet soon!

Secondly, we live on a ranch and have Purebred goats that we sell each year. Our website will assist us in selling these animals and will open new opportunities for breeding that may not otherwise be available. Gunner is a stud colt who may or may not remain intact. If we choose not to geld him, we will use the website to promote his stud services.

We also have a "Country Life' Section (this might be the part that I am most excited about!). It will cover gardening, food storage, self sufficiency, our animals, crafts, sewing, recipes, cooking, photography and just general suggestions shared from us and our readers to help teach skills and crafts that will enable one to engage in a self sufficient life and making the most of what you have. We are excited to have this portion of the website dedicated to a lifestyle that we are coming to embrace and so many others want to share.

Through it all

With all of the animals we have, it seems that one or two are always hurt, sick, or otherwise suffering from some ailment or other.

This the the story over the last few weeks/months:
Sky is still blind; in case you were not aware, glaucoma is not reversible. So she gets eye drops twice daily and blood pressure pill and fish oil in the evening. Being that she is only 6, we have many years to perfect our pill giving and eye dropping. One thing in Sky's credit - she is a whole lot easier to treat than Bella was when she tore her eye lid 4 years ago. Perhaps it has something to do with the 45pound dog vs. 1500 pound horse thing... Hmmm, good food for thought!

Dozer went in to the vet 2 weeks ago for a bad tummy rash. They determined that he is allergic to 'something'. Whatever that something is has yet to be determined. He was on antibiotics and benadryl three times a day for a week. The infection part of the rash is gone but he still has a rash. So Dozer gets benadryl twice daily; not that he minds daily hot dogs or cheese slices. He is up to 56.6 pounds at 2 years old. I hope he stops growing soon, but the vet said to expect another 10-15 pounds. Note to self - start working out again, specifically weight lifting!

Shigom went into the vet 4 months ago after Dozer ran into her and badly bruised her shoulder. Then Max attacked her - Yes, the horse attacked the dog! It was horrible and hences I must share my horror... I had fed Max (grain and hay) and Shigom was sneaking in the stall to eat the grain while I was brushing him. Well, he was occupied and 'Mom' was near so he was minding his manners and being the sweet 2000 pound baby I know him to be. I finished what I was doing and turned to leave. Shigom made one last attempt for a bite and Max reared up and tried to stomp on her. Luckily he missed and just knocked her over. Next thing I knew he had her in his mouth and threw her 6 feet into the air and slammed her against the barn wall. I screamed to distract Max and Shigom was yowling - a sound I have never heard before. I ran in (in hind sight that was not the smartest thing I could do but... Shigom is my sweet, sweet girl) I got Shigom out and we locked the other dogs in the unused goat pen so I could assess the damage. I fully expected a broken back, missing flesh and lots of blood. I prayed from the moment I screamed "God, please let my dog be OK, please let my dog be OK." It was the prayer of a desperate child and that is exactly how I felt. It is nothing short of a miracle and I, still today, stand all amazed - not a mark on her, no broken bones, no blood just a bruise and some swelling. Her limp went away after a few days and then of course, Dozer ran into her again (he is a bit clumsy - think of a bull dozer turning - now you know how he got his name). Now, she is limping again so she gets a pain pill once a day.

Bella punctured her inner thigh and has edema under her belly from getting struck. What happened, you ask? She stepped on a pitch fork and the the handle hit her belly and the tine of the fork punctured her thigh. So the vet came out last night to check her over. $171 later she is fine, a bit sore and getting a betadine rinse twice a day.

We vaccinated all three horses yesterday (this is when we discovered Bella's issue). We checked on them this morning and everyone was fine. Tonight, just in time for dinner, Max started having issues. He was showing neurological issues (stumbling, twitching, eyes rolling, heavy breathing). Luckily he was only having a reaction to the West Nile vaccine and not a major issue. I called our wonderful the vet yet again and we did a phone consult. With hot packs and banamine and butte he pulled out of it just fine.

Where am I headed with all of these part stories? I should have gone to vet school the way I wanted to when I was 11. I may not make any money but I sure would have saved a dollar or two! We are faced with endless crisis and endless worry and endless love for our animals. Through it all - we pray.

*****
We talked yesterday about how being too busy to ride and that perhaps we should sell the horses. We both just looked at each other for a moment to two and then burst out laughing. Knowing us, that is the most ridiculous idea I have ever come up with. Not quite as bad as moving to Alaska, but close. We have recommitted ourselves to living the life we want, kids or not. We live on a farm because we love the space and privacy. There is always something to do (chores) and we enjoy working on building our dream. These are some of the reasons I love our place. This is the land of my heart and the haven of my soul. Through it all - we pray




















Our second adoption interview was cancelled due to a baby being born and placement taking place. At first I was disappointed and heart broken to be pushed into the back seat yet again. But after a family consultation I realized that it is a wonderful thing; how could I have been so selfish as to miss it?! Someone is being reunited with their child! Somewhere two families are becoming one to raise and care for a chosen child of God.

I know our time will come and we will have our time to be that couple. We want so desperately to be parents and to raise and love a child. I hope that our Birth Mother is preparing and realizing that there is a plan for us, someday we will meet and renew a friendship that started long before these present moments. I am so humbled that adoption is a process that we are able to go through and that some way, some how, we will be chosen to be parents to a very special child. I hope our Birth Mother knows that we pray for her daily, even now when our placement is so far off and our paper work is not complete - we pray. Through it all - we pray.

Where ever you are, what ever your circumstance, we love you and will love you the best way we know how. Through it all - we pray