Healing and progressing

We have a had a busy few weeks! I was gearing up to have a barrage of medical check-ups and go back to work and R has been trying to keep a leash on me! So, here is the latest update...

We went to see the surgeon last Friday. Of course there was the waiting room with oldies playing and all of the 'pain update' paperwork to fill out. They want to know all kinds of things like, how long can you sit in a chair before you start hurting, how long can you stand, drive, read, etc. They also check on the status of your personal care i.e. do you need help dressing, doing your hair, makeup, shoes. I laughed out loud because I haven't done my hair since the beginning of December and haven't worn makeup since November! On those two questions I put a big question mark and smiling face. ? :-)

Anyhow, when I finally got in to see him we chatted about how I am feeling and the activities I have been participating in. I haven't been doing much so it was a short conversation! He pulled out the two x-rays and studied them for a moment. He said "Huh..." Meanwhile I am sitting in a chair behind him freaking out! Huh... Huh? Huh, what? Huh, good or huh, bad? ACK! Finally he turns around and says "I am stumped." Being out of patience, I said 'Ok, Doctor B. You said 'huh...' and now you are stumped, which is great but it is my neck holding my head up, so spill it!' He said 'Hop up here on the table and I'll tell you while I check it out.'

I did as he requested and he proceeded to tell me that it appears that the front of the fusion, you remember, the one from last June, is starting to fuse. What?! Yes, starting to fuse after 10 months of no bone growth at all. He said "I have never seen anything like it. It is unheard of for a fusion that old to start healing. I can't explain it." I smiled! I can explain it - I got a blessing, many blessings actually, that are predicated on my faith, of which I have an abundance. I was instructed to study and learn the lessons that I need to learn from this experience and I have been doing so. - I should apologize for not sharing any more of my lessons, but they suddenly became very personal and precious. Being such, they were inappropriate for me to share on such a public forum. - So, great news; I am healing!

My incision goes from my hairline strait down about 4 inches and across the base of my neck/shoulders about 4 inches (like a big T). Then there is a hole the size of a pencil eraser, which is now closed, about 4 inches to the left of the base of the T. It is bright pink, as with most newly forming scars. I believe it will be a while before I am comfortable wearing my hair up in public.

I asked about work and he said no, not just no, but emphatically no! I am only 4-5 weeks out of surgery and I need to be 8-12 before the bones have healed enough to start being really active again. So, 6 more weeks. He wants a CAT Scan at that point and those results will enable him to better determine how fast I can increase my activities.

Check out my metal!



The original plate and 4 screws are in the middle, each side has a clamp, rod and 2 additional screws.
R likes to say I am much like a walking hardware store!
Yes - I did notice that they are crooked - but if you know me, you will know it is fitting!

Ready for even more great news?! I saw the vocal cord doc on Monday and he said that my vocal cords are 100% physically healed! Woohoo! Here is the only bad news of the entire situation over the last week... I saw the speech therapist for a check up and a battery of tests. I didn't pass so she wants to keep seeing me. We need to work on a few things and in time, I should be 100%. So bad news but not terrible! Part of my homework is to read out loud for 10-15 minutes each day. Today, Dozer and I lazed in bed and read a Nora Roberts book. Dozer loved it, he is such a romantic! Perhaps it was the tummy scratching, but I choose to believe he likes romance... I have been reading a lot, not just romance, but a nice variety of books. If you have any suggestions, let me know - I am always looking for new reads!!

I have also been doing some embroidery. I gifted a cute little heart to my Mom, now am working on a fantastic little piggy banner. I didn't take a photo of the first one but I will take a photo of the piggies when it is done!

JoAnn's had a sale a few weeks ago and R took me down to browse. I picked out a pretty skirt pattern and he picked out some really nice tan fabric with embroidered fabric. May I just say that he has some very expensive taste?! I am too scared to even take it out of the bag to wash it! I imagine I will be doing just that over the next few days since I need to have it done by April and I haven't sewn anything in years. I did get the machine out and it works well. I've been practicing on a pillowcase doll that I made for, Jasmine, R's little sister's baptism in May. When I get that done, I will post a photo! I want to wear the skirt to Mom's Easter singing program. They started practicing last weekend; there are 160 people in the choir and they sing like angels! I am still hoping to get some photos and a video when they perform. I would really like to make a new outfit for Jasmine's baptism in May. The question is - skirt or dress? plain or floral? Bright or subdued?

We joined Facebook last August; the peer pressure was too great to resist! It is a neat tool for keeping in touch but I still find it odd how some people use it like a journal. There are some things that you should not share with hundreds of people... We share, but as on here, we are very selective in what we share. It is fascinating none the less!

We have had a few 'almost' adoption situations over the past month - 4 to be exact. As frustrating as it can be, we are still trying to be patient and calm. Everything in God's time, not mine. Our Birth parents are out there and we will be reunited at some point. We have been chosen and then rejected, almost chosen and had an opportunity slip through our fingers due to technicalities. Through it all, we know that all of these things have happened for the same reason - it was not meant to be. Those situations were never meant to be ours. We continue to serve through Colorado FSA and I actually got to write a blog post on February 15th!

A minor setback, a lesson and a blessing

I went to the doctor in tears on Monday morning. When my neck gets bad is causes a cascade of other issues like migraine headaches, numb arms, swollen hands, aching back, trouble sleeping and a bad case of the grumpies. Each of those issues cause more issues like lack of enthusiasm and a worse case of the grumpies.

So, I got there at 7:15 in tears and sat in the parking lot crying until they opened the door at 7:50. I saw the Doctor, who I might mention is wonderful, compassionate, understanding and very, very, very good at whatt she does. She gave me an anti-inflammatory medicine shot and sent me over to therapy for some massage and stretching.

Two things I would lie to share with you 1. the anti-inflammatory shot is wonderful and kicks in in 20 minutes. 2. it stings like nothing I have ever felt before - mind boggling stinging. 3. it is a shot in the butt. Not the hip, they do it square on the smooshy part of your bottom. Did I mention that it stings?! Yeah, now you get the idea!

Anyhow, I took 2 pain pills and sat in the Jacuzzi at the Senior Center for an hour. No, I am not a senior, not even close, but it is the only place that one can completely relax when in severe pain because there is a lifeguard on duty. It was wonderful. I drove home for the first time since March 3rd without any pain at all. Amazing!

At my follow-up this morning, she put me on the same medicine as yesterday only in pill form. You only have to poke me once to convince me that waiting 45 minutes for it to kick in instead of 20 is not such a bad deal! I return to work tomorrow and hopefully this is the last setback on the long road to recovery.

I recently ad someone ask - 'knowing what you know now, would you have surgery again?' My answer 'YES!' The pain before was from nerve damage and impingement, which if you have never experienced, I hope you never have to. If you have had it (say a root canal) multiply that by 20. If affected my arm and hand movement, coordination and strength and right before surgery was starting to affect my legs. I still have a numb place on my hip/thigh that I can't feel. Nerve pain and the affects of that are awful, muscle pain and inflammation - easy peasy. This will pass, it is all a part of getting better and I know that. Before, I was getting worse and there was no possible way to get better.

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On to something more fun. Goats!

We purchased Nephi to breed to our does and possibly to offer breeding to others in our area. The interest has been outstanding and lucky for us, he likes his job. He has already paid for himself, which is the whole idea. We make a little money each year off the kids but for the most part, the sale of the kids pays for the hay and vaccines for the adults. Milk is an extra bonus.

We have had Lacey in with him for a month and she just cycled last week, we will know by the end of this month if it took or not. I left her in with him because he is still a baby (11 months) and he has become very attached to her. I know that at some point in the next month or two he will have to move over to the 'Love Shack' alone - ah, the sad, sad life of a bachelor! I just put Lilly in with him and hope that she will cycle this month. That would allow us to have staggered kidding, which would be nice for a change. This whole breeding this is new to me and I hope to figure it all out in the next year!

A lesson and a blessing
We just found out that one of our kids from this year, Midnight, has been given away to a new home. I know, given away?! I freaked out. What if she is abused or worse - eaten!

No need to panic, I am such a fool. She has been given to a home with a small child with Downs Syndrome. He loves Midnight and she is doing very well. Animals can bring such joy and healing, even healing that is inexplicable to doctors. They are more in tune with the subtle changes and delicate spirits of those with disabilities. Will I miss Midnight, yes without a doubt. Does she belong to this small boy, yes - it was destined to be before she was even born. It humbles me to know that my sweet little goat may help this dear child. What a blessing for us both.

How arrogant was I to be upset?! How arrogant to think she was mine?! Lesson learned. I was merely a vessel to get this little goat to this little boy. Heavenly Father's hand is so entwined in my life and I must learn to trust Him, He will not lead me astray. Thank you Lori for helping me learn this lesson!

The path to the end

After yet another trial, we seek peace and confidence in the path that the Lord has set before us.

I am reminded by my dear friend S, that we do have children; we have six, they are just not with us here on earth. They wait for us in heaven. The hardest trial is yet to come; being faithful and worthy to the end so that we will be able to see them, love them and be joined with them once again.

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering...
~William Wordsworth

I cry for my babies. I cry with gratitude for the opportunity endure to the end and to hold my precious babies again.

It has been 5 years since Dad passed away and while it has gotten easier to bear, the pain can often be sharp and piercing. I am so grateful for our forever family and for the opportunity to be sealed together. The comfort of knowing that we will be together again lessens and pain and dulls the ache.

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.
~Author Unknown

Enduring to the end, or remaining faithful to the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ throughout life, is a fundamental requirement for salvation in the kingdom of God. "But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved." Matthew 24:13

LDS.org - Ensign Article - “Behold, We Count Them Happy Which Endure”