Eli - Adoption Placement Success

One of my childhood friends from California, we will call her  CC, was recently matched with her birth mother. She has given permission to share her story here, although some things will be generalized, some will be left out and the agency name will not be shared, everything else is her story.

From CC
"I feel almost self conscious about sharing our joy when I know it can be agonizing waiting for something to happen when you are trying to have a baby or waiting to adopt. Please know that we love you and are praying for all of you that you will be reunited with your birth mother and child soon.

We knew that it would be next to impossible for me to conceive and after confirming that with the specialists we opted for adoption rather than going the route of an egg donor and surrogate. I did a lot of research online about adoption agencies, facilitators, attorneys, etc and we eventually ended up with Adoption Agency XYZ (an adoption facilitator). We chose them because they limit the number of couples they work with to 10-15 at a time and are located within a series of women’s health clinics where abortions are performed and adoption is offered as an alternative to all patients. Their fees were also the most reasonable. We just felt that it was the right “fit” for us.

They pretty much only do “open” adoptions and I’m told that most are open these days. We were told that the typical wait time to be matched through our agency is roughly 7 months if you’re not too specific on the criteria of what you are willing to accept in an infant/situation. I can also say that after we signed with them I personally learned of two other couples here in our town that also used XYZ and they had good experiences with them. XYZ doesn’t normally work with out of state couples, but they do have one out of state couple right now. The most important choice is finding the agency that is right for you. You will know when you find it and it will feel right. We knew right away that this agency was right for us and that we would be chosen and our child placed with us.

We did a lot of research on what other couple used in their photo profile books and Dear Birth mother Letters as well as looked at hundreds of websites to help design our photo profile and narrative (questionnaire responses). Most of their couples don’t use websites and only have very informal homemade photo profiles or photo books from an online photo site like Shutterfly.com, etc. The Birth mother letter is the hardest thing to try to write.

We “joined” as “members” in early July of this year and got “the call” that we had been chosen by a birth couple roughly six weeks later. We met with the birth mother on August 30th. We all decided it was a good “match” on September 3rd. We were fortunate that our match was a birth couple with the father present and cooperative. The baby was due November 20th. Our couple was a boyfriend/girlfriend that were both 19 and college students, both living at home with their respective parents, no drug use or major health issues. I know you believe in God and are very faithful, but we’re not really religious but had “put it out there to the universe” that we would really like a couple of healthy Caucasian college students. But we had also told the adoption facilitator that we would take almost any situation and would be fine with a biracial baby - which we were told kept the doors much wider open for us.

Being a type A personality there were many times that I wished things were more certain along the way but also realized that I had to just go with the flow if I wanted things to work out. Our birth father had no phone and birth mother was not very good about returning calls to the facilitator but was somewhat good about returning texts to me. I attended one Dr’s appointment after we met initially with the birth mother and then I met with the mother and father once just me and then once all of us to go over the “hospital plan” and post placement plan for future contact, etc. I also arranged for the birth parents and me to attend a private childbirth class the same day. I did have minimal phone contact with the mother every couple of weeks until near the end and then weekly contact.

We got the call at 11 pm on Friday, November 12th that her water had broken and we hurried to pack our bags and make the 3 hour drive to Grass Valley. She was in labor for 29 hrs. It was exhausting as we had no sleep for four days. After Eli was born the hospital gave us a room so we could stay with him. I didn’t let him out of my sight. The hospital was great. According to the adoption facilitator our situation was not “typical” with how little contact the birth mother maintained with the facilitator and that we spent considerable time with the birth parents and the birth mother's family including her parents, sister and aunt while we were at the hospital. They also spent hours in our room with us and the baby. We really feel that we have probably adopted an entire family, not just Eli.

I’m not sure how the process works in your state, but in California going with a facilitator is very different than using an agency. If you use an agency you do the “Home Study” before you can be put on the list to be considered for placement. If you use a facilitator and do an Independent Adoption, the baby is placed with you and then the “Home Study” process starts. Also with a facilitator and an Independent Adoption the birth mother has 30 days to change her mind and take the baby back.

We have been very fortunate from the very start and I am often afraid that something will go bad as it’s been so amazingly perfect, but I just hope that this is our miracle and everything will work out just fine. Baby Eli is perfect - He is eating well and growing fast. I’m not getting much sleep, but I know that comes with the whole package. Our 30 days wont be up until December 20th so I just keep my fingers crossed and pray it all goes well. Our “Home Study” and Court process should take 6 months to a year to complete.
I know that some couples wait years and I know we have been very lucky. I have spoken with other adoptive couples and have faith that your time will come. Some don’t ever get matched and just get the call once the baby’s been born. You may have some notice or none at all. Just be as open as you can and continue to spread the word and your miracle is surely on its way.  You two are wonderful and your child and birth mother is out there somewhere, be patient and know that in time it will all happen"

We are so happy for CC and look forward to visiting her new boy in January!

Our toddler

My niece came out to visit a few weeks ago to see the horses and goats. My Mom ask her what she thought of the baby (meaning Gunner - the baby horse) and she said 'He isn't a baby anymore, he is a toddler.' How cute is that?!

20 minutes old

2 days

2 weeks

4 months

9 months

1 year

The 'Specialist'

Sounds like the title to a bad horror flick! I went into see the 'Specialist' this morning. He was a very pleasant fellow who stuck a tube (with camera) up my nose and down my throat to take a look-see. I have had a great many medical procedures in my day but none quite as disturbing as looking at the inside of my nose... GROSS! Nobody should ever be subject to that, and it isn't like they give you notice to blow and clean up a bit - they just spray the numbing medicine and whip out the tube!

Long story short - I have right side vocal cord paralysis from my gentle surgeon mashing my delicate neck back and forth. Doc says my voice should come back in 1-3 months and until that time, I will have the great pleasure of choking on my food and water and sounding like Mickey Mouse. They are ordering speech and swallow therapy to help me get through the next 2 months and I follow up the beginning of August.

I hope, hope, hope it doesn't really take that long. I mean, I can't talk! I can't holler, I can't yell. Do you know how hard it is to scold a dog while not laughing because I sound like a pissy Mickey?! It is really ruining my reputation around the house.

One more thing - the sensation that I am being choked - the pressure... he said it will take another 2 weeks for that to go away and it is just from surgery. I suppose of the two issues, this bothers me the most because it is anxiety forming. 2 weeks - I can do anything for 2 weeks.

******

7/1/10 - update! Went to the doctor yesterday and was told that I have 2 more weeks off. They don't want me going back to work until the breathing is better and swelling has gone down. So at this point, I am crossing my fingers for a return to work on 7/19.

*****

We are so excited to hear that our dear friends M&M are going to be able to take their little Ben to the temple soon. What a wonderful blessing. I was thinking the other day, after reading her post - people who have children naturally do not get this extra opportunity in the House of the Lord. Just another one of the many, many reasons adoption is such a special path to follow.

We look forward to meeting our Birth Mother than will allow us to take our child to the temple to be sealed for eternity. Where ever you are, what ever you are doing, please know that we are praying for you and thinking about you on a daily basis. Some way and some how we will find each other and your gift will complete our family.

*****

Final Interview Day!

Today was our final interview day. We have one step left to approval; CORE training. We should be attending CORE training, signing our paperwork and active on July 9th. But today, today was 'the interview', you know the one where you answer questions about your past and relationships separately and confidentially... Well, after 13 years of marriage - we already knew each others answers. But it was still an interesting experience to go through again. Again, you ask - well yes, again. Read on.

We left early, stopped for doughnuts in Greeley and drove leisurely down to the LDS FS office. We arrived early intending to go to the cannery to load up on sugar and flour. We had everything filled out only to find that they are closed on Fridays! Ah, darn. We decided that we will stop by again on our way back from Arizona in a few weeks.

As we sat in the shade of the trees in the parking lot, we chatted about what we were expecting the interview to be like, what they might ask, how we felt about it. We watched K, our case worker, pull in, unload his car, reload a car, buzz around front, run inside. I commented to R that he seemed to be very over worked. He is always in a meeting, on the phone, out doing a visit, getting back from a visit. Seems like he just goes and goes and goes. I pondered out loud, “I wonder if he likes his job. I know he gets paid, I wonder if the fulfillment of making eternal families everyday makes up for all of the stress.” R assured me that K must be one of the most blessed people we will ever know. He, for a living, gets to help families come together, for eternity. Can you imagine? What an amazing thing to behold once, but to be part of and behold it again and again. I am in awe of K and his dedication to his job, beliefs and the eternal principles that we hold near and dear to our own hearts. K's sweet personality and strong testimony of the truth of what he does permeates everything around him. We feel comforted just being near him and having him help us through this process.

We met with K, finished our paperwork and went through our interviews. It was painless and actually pleasant. K helps make this process comfortable. People keep asking me how the paperwork is going and I keep saying that it is fine. They ask if we have questions, no – not really. It is funny because when I started working in Law Enforcement R and I both had to go through intense interviews, they dug into our past – deep, deep into our pasts – and I did a polygraph test, twice. Compared to that, this process is peachy! There is nothing in our past that has not already been dug through and sifted, held to light and examined. We are comfortable with who we are, the paths that have taken us to the place we stand today. We stand together, as one, united and together walk our path in life; we walk together through all things. We are very at peace with this process and our present place; we receive daily verification that we are on the right path, that there is a Birth Mother out there, somewhere for us, that we will be re-united and will be able to start our family with her help.

We left the city, did some grocery shopping and came home. I was a bit swollen when we got back, so I went to lie down. Our dear neighbors (I use the word neighbor loosely), brought us dinner. I cried – they are so thoughtful and helpful to us over the past weeks. Our neighbors, Sandy and Dan Carter live about 4 miles east and 5 miles south of us on 100 acres. They are just on the other side of ‘town’. As members of the church who share the same values and lifestyle we do, they are a blessing to us. We are learning from them and them from us. I cried from their honest care and concern for us. I cried from their ability to know we needed their help and their ability to hear and heed the spirit. We are so blessed.

The new addition!

Just a quick note to say "Yay!! Our new baby nephew is here!"

H & A had their fourth child this week; Davin born on Wednesday will be coming home tomorrow. I vaguely remember Grandma saying that he was 20 something inches and 7 pounds 3 ounces give or take - healthy and whole was more my focus! Grandma is helping with the other two kiddos until H & A can settle in with the new little guy. He is so cute and I am anxiously awaiting permission to post one photo!